I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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