i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
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