Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
