yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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