well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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