is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
