Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
