Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
