I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
