Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
