she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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