Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize