why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
