is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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