when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
