There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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