Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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