EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
