doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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