cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
