The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Houston, we have a blender
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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