Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
