He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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