we're chasing vodka with high fives
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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