I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
