I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I see more hoeing in ur future
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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