She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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