She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
