maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
