I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
