Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize