I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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