Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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