he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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