just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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