just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
