Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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