i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
