There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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