so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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