Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
