So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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