she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
