my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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