Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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