My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
