im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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