i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
