I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
