Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
