if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
