So drunk its hurt
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
