when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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