The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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