Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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