Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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