dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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