Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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