why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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