I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
