Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
