Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
