I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
