This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
