So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
