oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize