If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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