I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
