Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
