he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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