1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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