he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
