I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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